Laser Hair Removal is the hair gods' gift to ending razor burn

@ Your wallet:  We need to talk

It's forgetting you're not in a manual car anymore and pushing on the break like it were the clutch while coming up to a stop light.

@ Bacon wrapped dates:  OMG you're heavenly.  Why have we not met before?

@ House Guests:  When you are staying at someone else's house, it's rude to leave your stuff everywhere and your phone on and in the kitchen when you're sleeping upstairs.  We don't want to hear the constant beeping and songs from the four thousand text messages you're receiving but won't answer because you're still sleeping upstairs.  Turn off the damn phone or take it with you.

There are no such things as barking spiders.  Own up to the fact that you just ripped one.

@ Weather:  please decide if you would like to give us London, England or Dallas, TX.  Thx

"We speak in words but we think in..."
"Not words?"
"...Pictures."

When you realize, after trying on multiple dresses, that there is a spider on the wall behind you

......and then realizing you broke the bed when you finally go to bed that same Tuesday night

It's sex at 11:30pm on a Tuesday night

The smell of freshly cooked eggs in the morning